We are often told that life goes by so quickly. Each moment should be treasured and enjoyed. Each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each sunset, cotton candy and rainbow filled wonderfully glorious months flashing through our minds eye. Savor the moment, breathe deep the songs of birds and the smell of popcorn and fires lit at Sunday BBQ’s. Let me tell you a tale of moments frozen in time, frozen in fear. Let me talk to you now, shh, don’t speak too loudly or listen too closely as I murmur in wee breaths and fearful sounds a tale of time passing. Of time passing like the flapping of a dragonfly’s wing in suspended red flash time. Listen; open your ears to hear my heart beating as I lay in silent tears. Begging, pleading for time to rush as fast as possible so the illuminated sunlight will vanish from this beastly day and pass and turn into the darkness. Only then can I bravely hide my fear and loathing and hatred amongst the pillows and pungent satin bed linens. Hide so that the person I am cannot possibly ever know the person I have become. This transition is necessary to live inside this dream of not so golden skies and blissfully pleasured passions, but instead in terror, shear terror and hatred. Too afraid to speak my own thoughts or breathe without permission.
Listen as I speak finally of a life lived, loved and of precious moments that can never again return. Lost in a silent few years that passed forever into the abyss of sadness. The tale is not unheard of by many. I speak of the tale of horror and domination and of anger and sadness and of control and brutality. It is one of fear and compassion; it is of love surrendered for the very act of surrender. It is this very act that saves the heart, mind and soul and possibly the very life. Hear this tale so that you might learn, remember, scream, yell and feel the indignity well up into your veins and like a volcano, explode into your heart and then burst through in brilliant recognition to the very mind that has tucked this all into a corner of silence. Hear this I beg you so that you can escape. Your children can escape and you can find peace and serenity and love and passion and pleasure. So that you can see the wings of the butterfly gently moving in the breeze and you can feel your breath upon the air. To never again have that feeling of pain inside your soul that begs the day to end and quickly at that. To hear only instead your heart rejoice in saying that each moment can pass as it will according to the grand design of the universe for you fear no more.
You are free and life is amazingly brilliant. Again hear me as I speak of the unspoken, of the pain of the abuse and it’s very gut filled stench. Hear me now as I speak of escape and hear me as I cry and bleed and scream. Life is more than living another’s will. Life is more than physical and emotional bruises and bloodied hands and faces. Life is a grand adventure and should be ridden as a bountiful white steed in perfect beauty and brilliance. Never again to miss a child’s smile, a first step, a telling gesture, a passionate kiss, or a wink from a stranger. Never again to rush through the day, praying for the dark to hide and missing the living of the day for the fear of the living. Join me now as we release the dreams of our own heartache and choose to not be victims any longer. Join me know as we choose freedom. ©® Kristin Olsen 2012